Nine Straight Threes' NFL Power Rankings: Week 8

Had a bit of a revelation while compiling this week’s power rankings: It’s generally very easy for me to identify the eight or so best teams in the league. Figuring out the eight worst is also pretty simple. You know who’s really good, and you know who sucks. It’s the other 16 teams that are hard to place.

There was some shuffling at the bottom of the rankings, and a little bit of a shakeup near the top, but by and large, the teams you’ve been seeing in those places are still there, just maybe in a different slot.

The mushy middle? A mess. Teams flying around all over the place, no consistency from one week to the next, surprising results all over the place. The gap between team 11 and team 21 just isn’t very big. On a week-to-week basis, it’s closer to nonexistent than anything.

I say all this to say that if the middle of the rankings looks like a complete mess, and that I have no idea if Team A is better than Team B…it’s because that’s exactly the case. The next two to three weeks should bring some clarity. Until then, we’re all in the wilderness.

And yes, these are VERY late, as in, “One game from Week 9 has already been played, and the rest are hours away” late. The entire house was sick, myself included. We regret the delay. Those responsible for the delay have been sacked.

As always, NST’s power rankings take two factors into account: Performance and watchability. Away we go.

Are You There, God? Please End This Season

32. Carolina Panthers (1-7)

LW: 31

Right back where they belong. The Andy Dalton honeymoon was vanishingly brief, and Carolina was only staying out of the cellar by virtue of Deshaun Watson’s continued existence in the Browns’ starting lineup. This is, make no mistake, the worst team in football. Diontae Johnson is gone to Baltimore, and if Adam Thielen gets healthy, he will be, too. It’s back to hopeless for the NFL’s worst franchise.

Week 9: vs. New Orleans

31. Tennessee Titans (1-6)

LW: 28

Whew! These guys have taken it on the chin the last two weeks, to put it mildly. They jumped out to a 10-0 lead on Buffalo last week, then gave up 34 consecutive points to the Bills. This week? Mason Rudolph hung in there and had the game at 14-14 a minute into the second quarter. After that? Thirty-eight consecutive points and a 52-14 loss. Do you have any idea how hard it is to give up 52 points while also only surrendering 225 yards? Here's your answer: This is the first time it has happened since 1941.

Week 9: vs. New England

30. Las Vegas Raiders (2-6)

LW: 28

Did the Chiefs get overwhelming revenge on Vegas for the offseason Kermit the Frog jokes about Patrick Mahomes? Not really. The game was reasonably close. Good teams win, great teams cover, and all that. What, ultimately, is the point of anything happening here? There isn’t a quarterback. No one knows if the coach is any good or not. I’m trying to figure out how to express my thoughts on this team and my brain just sort of stalls out. They’re bad, and they’re nondescript. Not good.

Week 9: at Cincinnati

29. New Orleans Saints (2-6)

LW: 23

In balance, they’re probably worse than the Jets, but they’re less of a public embarrassment. I think this means they’re a beneficiary of anti-East Coast Bias. There are no easy answers here, of course, and Spencer Rattler got benched against the Chargers. He’s played one fun quarter, and otherwise been pretty nondescript. New Orleans needs a full-on reset, which is why they’re here, in this lonely, bottom-of-the-barrel tier. I guess Derek Carr coming back could make them more respectable, but to what end?

Week 9: at Carolina

28. New England Patriots (2-6)

LW: 30

It’s awfully difficult to win a game the way the Patriots did on Sunday, but it’s easier to understand how it happened when you consider the fact that they were playing the Jets. Drake Maye being knocked out of the game with a concussion is a bummer, and protecting him should be paramount for New England (and for Maye himself), but if he can stay healthy, he’s going to be a ton of fun to watch. His touchdown run against the Jets was a breathtaking athletic display, and a throw that Tyquan Thornton dropped was a window into the kind of arm talent he possesses.

Week 9: at Tennessee

27. New York Giants (2-6)

LW: 27

Daniel Jones looked quite good, actually, for much of Monday night’s game against the Steelers. Tyrone Tracy looked better than good; the rookie from Purdue was New York’s best offensive player. What did the Giants in? An astonishing number of sloppy penalties on offense, and an inability to stop the Steelers from throwing the deep ball – something New York had been quite good at through the season’s first seven games. These guys are absolutely toast, and should at the very least trade Darius Slayton in the next several days.

Week 9: vs. Washington

Get Busy Livin’ or Get Busy Dyin’

26. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6)

LW: 24

Sure, they had a pretty tough task last week, trying to win against Green Bay, but…if you’re a team that’s going to claw back into it, you’re going to have to win some tough games. Last week I said that the Jags could probably afford to lose two more games the rest of the way, and still have a shot at the playoffs. One down, gentlemen! If the Jags completely crater, and lose badly in The Doug Pederson Bowl against the Eagles, they should just leave Pederson in South Philly.

Week 9: at Philadelphia

25. Cleveland Browns (2-6)

LW: 32

I know, it’s an eight-spot jump for these guys, and an exit from the lowest tier. Guess what though; when Jameis Winston comes in and cooks, and beats the seemingly invincible Ravens as a result, a reward is in order. I hardly think that the Browns can suddenly make a push, but they do have a beatable Chargers team this week, then a bye week, then the hapless Saints. The reality is that Cleveland is probably a league-average team when they’re getting even competent quarterbacking, so for one week, at least, I’m going to treat them like one. Deshaun Watson can’t be gone from this roster soon enough.

Week 9: vs. Los Angeles Chargers

24. Miami Dolphins (2-5)

LW: 25

The good news: Miami’s offense looked much, much better with Tua Tagovailoa back under center. The bad news: The defense barfed away a 27-18 fourth-quarter lead, and the Dolphins lost a very winnable game to the Cardinals, further reducing their margin for error. When Miami is good, they look really good, which is why I can’t completely rule out a hot streak that puts them back into the playoff picture. That said, there are eight teams in the AFC with at least four wins, so it’ll be an uphill battle in south Florida.

Week 9: at Buffalo

23. New York Jets (3-6)

LW: 22

What, you mean assembling the Aaron Rodgers Super Friends wasn’t a good teambuilding strategy? Here’s a fun stat for you. Going back to 1940, teams that scored 20+ points in a game, while also committing 0 turnovers, and holding their opponent under 250 yards of offense were 756-0. The Jets made that record 756-1 on Sunday. Head coach Jeff Ulbrich said his team was dealing with a “moment of darkness” after the loss. You think? (Needless to say, things got a little better in the swamps of New Jersey Thursday night. They would have been 29^th had these gone out on time, if you’re curious.)

Week 9: Defeated Texans, 21-13

Languishing On The Ropes

22. Dallas Cowboys (3-4)

LW: 21

Dak Prescott’s new deal made him the highest-paid player in the NFL. He has 8 touchdowns and 7 interceptions this year. That’s not good enough. The Cowboys are paying him to be a force multiplier; he hasn’t been one. Do you ever watch the Cowboys and think, “Uh oh, they gave Dak Prescott an opening, they’re going to pay for it”? Of course not. Dallas’ next four opponents all have winning records at the moment. Is it too much to ask that they put the Cowboys out of their misery? Can’t we at least have that, as a treat?

Week 9: at Atlanta

21. Cincinnati Bengals (3-5)

LW: 13

Kept wanting to believe that Cincy was just going to flip a switch and turn it all on, and become a very scary force in the AFC. A good time to do that would have been against a very solid Eagles squad. Would have been a nice message to send to the rest of the league. Instead, the message the Bengals sent was, “We are very probably cooked.” It was a complete no-show performance at home, one that has Cincy a full three games out in the AFC North, and with a rugged schedule still remaining. Maybe one more loss is acceptable for them to have a playoff chance? Maybe two? Either way, they seem done.

Week 9: vs. Las Vegas

20. Indianapolis Colts (4-4)

LW: 18

Anthony Richardson was very bad yet again, tapped out briefly for a play, and subsequently got benched. This is Joe Flacco’s rodeo now, and it’s tempting to think that that will make the Colts very dangerous. And it might! That said, the book on Flacco is simple: If you can heat him up with pressure, you can force him into mistakes and interceptions. If Indy’s offensive line, which is admittedly quite good, gives him time and protection? Watch out. This week should be a very good litmus test.

Week 9: at Minnesota

19. Seattle Seahawks (4-4)

LW: 14

Remember when the Seahawks were 3-0 and riding high, even if naysayers pointed out the weak caliber of their competition? Pepperidge Farm remembers. I’m not sure Seattle fans do, however, because that seems like ages ago. The Seahawks got clobbered at home by Buffalo, and were completely outclassed from start to finish. They’re 1-4 since that undefeated start. Geno Smith can look great, and there are individual pieces that you like, but I’m not seeing much from these guys of late.

Week 9: vs. Los Angeles Rams

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Not sure if good?

18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-4)

LW: 12

Starting to get mad at these guys, who I continue to overrate, primarily when they’re playing the Falcons, who apparently have their number. They didn’t have Mike Evans or Chris Godwin, and Godwin is of course done for the year, but I don’t know, there’s chaotic energy here (the good kind) that they just can’t harness on a regular enough basis. Now they’ll need to get hot and have someone else do some of their Falcons-related dirty work. These next two games will likely take things from bad to worse.

Week 9: at Kansas City

17. Arizona Cardinals (4-4)

LW: 19

I defy you to try and figure out Kyler Murray or this football team on a week-to-week basis. I’m certainly at my wits’ end trying to get a handle on them. Here is one little piece of potential evidence as to what they are: The teams they’ve lost to have a combined record of 25-7 this season. So, if the Cards play one of the NFL’s elite, bad things happen. If they don’t? They win. The Bears profile as “not one of the NFL’s elite,” so I guess it’s full speed ahead this week. Right? Right??

Week 9: vs. Chicago

The Battle of Los Angeles

16. Los Angeles Rams (3-4)

LW: 26

I’ll be damned. They had me fooled. I figured getting their two top receivers back would help. I didn’t think it would allow them to roll right past the Vikings in prime time and keep their season alive. But here we are, and here they are, tied in the loss column with the rest of the NFL’s most average division. They certainly aren’t trading Cooper Kupp anymore, though Sean McVay trying to suggest that they never considered it is pretty rich. Teams were calling, and they were listening, but winning two games in five days has a way of changing perspectives.

Week 9: at Seattle

15. Los Angeles Chargers (4-3)

LW: 20

Here’s what we know for sure about the Chargers: They can play defense. No opponent has topped 20 points on the Chargers this year, and three have been held to single digits. With that in mind, being just 4-3 is kind of a disappointment at this juncture. That brings us to the other thing we know about the Chargers: The offense is hard to watch. They don’t run the ball well, even though Jim Harbaugh wants to, and they pass it merely okay. Perhaps the burgeoning Justin Herbert-to-Ladd McConkey connection will give them a spark in the second half of the season.

Week 9: at Cleveland

Did Not Pray Hard Enough

14. Chicago Bears (4-3)

LW: 10

The defense yielded a lot of yards but just 12 points, and kept the Bears in it in Washington until Caleb Williams could engineer a drive that looked for all the world like it would snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Of course, Jayden Daniels, Noah Brown, and Tyrique Stevenson had other plans. What’s that you say? Stevenson is one of Chicago’s defenders? Why’s he included like he’s on Washington’s team? Well…

Week 9: at Arizona

I Think These Are Just Last Year’s Pittsburgh Steelers

13. Denver Broncos (5-3)

LW: 17

I know this movie. I have seen it before. They are the Scooby-Doo mask off meme, with a Steelers logo underneath. On one hand, you have to give them some credit for actually winning games. And Bo Nix does have better wheels and better coaching than Kenny Pickett had last year. On the other hand, who have they beaten, other than an outlier win over what might be a good Buccaneers team? The defense is very good. The running game is solid enough. But if this team creeps into the playoffs, they will get thumped.

Week 9: at Baltimore

When Does Christian McCaffrey Get Here?

12. San Francisco 49ers (4-4)

LW: 15

At some point you have to stop coasting on reputation and the idea of what you’ll eventually look like, and start winning football games in bunches. A good-but-not-spectacular offense, an average defense (just check the numbers) and a very difficult upcoming schedule make this a hard team to believe in. I’m sure the NFL intelligentsia thinks they’re going to break out and run away with the division any second now, and maybe when McCaffrey gets back he really will be the difference-maker, but I’ve got to see it to believe it.

Week 9: Bye

Good Teams I Do Not Trust

11. Atlanta Falcons (5-3)

LW: 16

They would have made this a lot easier on me if they’d have just lost twice to the Bucs like I thought they would. At the very least they should have lost the first time but, well, they won. And so instead of 3-5 or 4-4, they’re 5-3. They’ve beaten and lost close games to some pretty good teams, but then again, they also got pummeled at home by a very pedestrian Seahawks team just two weeks ago. They’re a playoff team, but they feel too much like one of Kirk Cousins’ flawed Vikings teams for my liking.

Week 9: vs. Dallas

10. Minnesota Vikings (5-2)

LW: 4

Well, the adversity is here. A close loss to the Lions? Defensible, obviously. Detroit is (spoiler alert) the best team in the NFL. Getting beaten pretty fair and square by the Rams, one blatant uncalled facemask aside, suggests that the Vikings either aren’t quite as good as we thought, or the Rams are a lot better. The main letdown was the fact that Brian Flores’ vaunted defense couldn’t impose its will on a Rams team that had offensive line struggles and hadn’t run the ball well all day. Minnesota is still a good team, but not a great team. Now what?

Week 9: vs. Indianapolis

9. Houston Texans (6-3)

LW: 6

Had they looked impressive and beaten the Jets, they’d be a lot higher here. Of course, they did not beat the Jets, and instead looked hideous, so here they are, dropping almost out of the top-10. You could argue Minnesota ought to be ahead of them. In any case, I’m a little concerned with how I’ve classified and talked about these guys this year. I’ve continually said that it’s a good reflection that they had one of the NFL’s best records despite not playing their best football. Now I am forced to wonder if this is just what we’re going to get from Houston. If that’s the case, you can bump them down the list of AFC contenders. By the way, C.J. Stroud in Houston’s last two losses? 21-of-51, 277 yards. No touchdowns, no interceptions, 12 sacks. Not good!

Week 9: Lost 21-13 at NY Jets

Actually, It’s a Commonwealth, Not a State

8. Philadelphia Eagles (5-2)

LW: 11

I have to stop paying attention to what Eagles fans are saying about their team, because it makes me think that the sky is falling, and then I look up and they’re 5-2, have won three in a row, and just went on the road and pasted a desperate Bengals team by 20. A top-10 offense, a top-10 defense, and only one true stinker of a performance (two if you want to count the slugfest over New Orleans)? This is a good team that happens to have a lot of drama. Nick Sirianni yelling at fans? It’s a distraction. Jalen Hurts hasn’t thrown an interception since Week 3. That’s a good omen.

Week 9: vs. Jacksonville

7. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)

LW: 9

The crow-eating continued for the national media last week, as Russell Wilson looked much more like mid-2010s Seattle Russell Wilson than Denver Russell Wilson. And if that version of the future Hall of Famer is really back with a capital B, then the Steelers are going to be a problem. A sloppy penalty and a bizarre non-catch by George Pickens (now everyone knows it’s both feet down, not one foot twice) took points off the board and turned what would have been a rout into a closer game than it should have been. There are concerns, including a suddenly leaky run defense, but Mike Tomlin has real quarterback play for the first time since 2018. Unless you want to give Mason Rudolph his flowers for last year, of course.

Week 9: Bye

Wins And Losses Count, Unfortunately

6. Baltimore Ravens (5-3)

LW: 2

They’re still probably one of the two best teams in the AFC and three best teams in football. I cannot, however, reward them with a ranking befitting that status here, because they KEEP LOSING GAMES. Make all the excuses you want. There was a big drop or two on offense. There was Kyle Hamilton dropping a game-sealing interception on defense. The fact remains that Baltimore lost to a previously one-win Browns team. The pass defense is a major problem, and if Lamar Jackson even gets dinged up to where his mobility is less than 100 percent, then what? They should throttle the Broncos this week. Will they, though?

Week 9: vs. Denver

Prayed Just Hard Enough

5. Washington Commanders (6-2)

LW: 6

Jayden Daniels. What can you say? Besides, “Thank you Tyrique Stevenson,” of course.

Week 9: at New York Giants

Very Real Threats

4. Green Bay Packers (6-2)

LW: 5

They’re dinged up right now, specifically Jordan Love with a groin injury and Josh Jacobs with an ankle injury. But they just keep on churning out wins. I don’t think I’ve been more wrong about a coach than I was about Matt LaFleur. Thought he didn’t have it and was in over his head early in his tenure. Could not have been more wrong. These guys haven’t skipped a beat, whether Love or Malik Willis has been under center. They’ll get the Lions in what could be sloppy conditions this week. Win that game, and you’ll really have my attention. As it is now, they’re probably Detroit’s chief contender in the NFC.

Week 9: vs. Detroit

3. Buffalo Bills (6-2)

LW: 8

I keep saying that Baltimore is one of the two best teams in the AFC, as if it’s some sort of universally understood truth, and they did wallop Buffalo when the two teams met, but right this second, the Bills are playing better ball. Buffalo lost to Houston after their Baltimore debacle, but they’ve reeled off three straight wins since, and are, somewhat incredibly, protecting the ball better than any team in the league. Josh Allen has just one interception, the Bills have three turnovers overall, and the passing game suddenly looks lethal and multifaceted. The Bills should be 8-2 for a big showdown with Kansas City in a few weeks.

Week 9: vs. Miami

Probably The Super Bowl (This Week)

2. Kansas City Chiefs (7-0)

LW: 3

Well everyone, I hope you had your fun, because it appears that Patrick Mahomes is slowly, like a battleship turning at sea, rounding into form. I’m not even suggesting that the numbers bear that out, but he recovered nicely from an awful passing performance against San Francisco and looked much better against the Raiders. He rediscovered his connection with Travis Kelce and spread the ball around effectively to the rest of his backs and receivers. If DeAndre Hopkins can get up to speed, that will make Xavier Worthy better, which will make Kelce more dangerous, which…well, I think you see where this is going.

Week 9: vs. Tampa Bay

1. Detroit Lions (6-1)

LW: 1

Mud holes are being stomped, left and right. This is the NFL’s best team. I feel no need to restate the multitude of reasons why this week.

(This means they are GUARANTEED to lose to the Packers, in case you were wondering.)

Week 9: at Green Bay